Death Made Possible

I was awakened by a dream-boy attacking me, trying to kill me with scissors. [I know, gross. Stick with me. There’s a point here.]

Aren’t you glad that’s how it happens (most of the time)? We wake up before the scene gets too bloody, before our free-falling body hits the sidewalk. Before death.

My dream-boy was dreamy until I asked him, “So, what do you think of Jesus?”

That’s when his eyes filled with hatred. That’s when he pulled the scissors out. That’s when I woke up, not afraid (surprisingly)…but, stunned at the vivid picture, which I had the strong impression was spiritual. This seemed to be confirmed when I unintentionally read John 16:2 the next morning— “The time is coming when anyone who kills you will think they are offering a service to God.” I didn’t read any personal prophesy into this, but took it as a reminder that people either love or hate Jesus. And that often means they will either love or hate His followers.

I thought about a passage I recently spent time with, Acts 17:16-34. Paul goes to Athens and talks about God with Jewish people, God-fearing Greeks, and philosophers. Much has been said and can be learned from this passage, but one thing that especially stood out to me was this: The resurrection of Jesus is where the rubber meets the road. My dream-boy was fine until the mention of Jesus. When Paul speaks about the resurrection of Jesus to the people of Athens, some sneer, some seek, and some are saved there and then.

And no wonder! The gospel hinges on the power and authority of God to defeat sin and death as displayed in the resurrection. Paul says that if Christ did not rise from the dead, our preaching is useless (1 Corinthians 15:14).

Every SOUL hinges on the resurrection of Jesus.

When we accept the death of Jesus on our behalf, when we accept that He rose from the grave, and follow Him as Lord, something miraculous happens: WE are raised from the dead.

And something else peculiarly miraculous happens: we’re able to die. We’re invited to die in a way that’s ONLY POSSIBLE through the resurrection of Jesus. We’re invited to allow the Spirit of God to breathe life that puts to death the death in us— to eradicate the brokenness that prevents us from living lives filled with the love and grace of God— our selfishness, our pride, our lust.

For life’s sake!

Wait, wait, wait. So what about my dream-boy-gone-stab-happy? Sometimes the whole “death to self” thing can seem separate from outward suffering for Christ— whether that looks like battling cancer in faithfulness to Christ, waking up extra early in faithfulness to Christ, or persecution and martyrdom in faithfulness to Christ. But the two are closely connected: If we haven’t died to ourselves, we’ll never be able to truly suffer for Christ or with Christ. We’ll suffer the big and small alright, but when we don’t surrender to God in our suffering, we miss out on intimacy with God and honoring Him with our circumstances.

Two days after my dream, I went searching for verses on prayer. I was looking in Acts and my eyes wandered over to the end of John (chapter 21) and Jesus’ conversation with Peter:

Jesus asks, “Do you love me more that these?”  “Do you love me?”  “Do you love me?”

Peter says yes each time.

Jesus responds, “Feed my lambs.” “Take care of my sheep.” “Feed my sheep.”

Then, then Jesus says, “Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.”

The tears came loose while I read. I pictured young Peter, in love with Jesus and also heartbroken about his previous failure, aware of his need and yet being commissioned— I pictured Peter, old, bent over from years of feeding the Flock, being dressed by someone else, being led where he does not want to go…to his own crucifixion.

As I saw him, used by God’s grace, surrendered, glorifying God as he was led to another rugged cross….I heard Jesus’ words: “You are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it” (Matthew 16:18).

One whose life ended so like Jesus’, on a cross— the rock the church is built on.

An old man, dressed by others, his arms outreached…the rock.

My heart was breaking in the pain of it and the glory and the reality of what the church is built on— ultimately THE Rock (the crucified and risen Jesus), but also those crucified and risen with Him. Crucifixion is part of the story of each Christ-follower— of every living stone (1 Peter 2:5) that makes up the church.

Paul wrote to the Galatians, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me” (Galatians 2:20a). I wonder if Paul’s heart filled. I wonder if he thought not only about Jesus’ death, but also Peter’s death. I wonder if he thought about the brothers and sisters he ordered to die before he encountered Jesus on the Damascus road or the variety of deaths he might suffer. I wonder if he was overwhelmed by the power of a God who could not only pay for his sins in full, but put to death his flesh and FILL him— a God who could enable him to live and die IN CHRIST.

Paul’s words fill me with wonder at the power of God. They fill me with bravery and confidence. CHRIST lives in me. I’ll proclaim it and proclaim it again with down-to-my-toes gratitude— my flesh is dead and my soul is alive because Jesus lives. I can be led wherever God wants to take me— even to places I do not want to go— because Jesus drank the cup He did not want to drink…and yet drank for the joy set before Him: The wrath of God meant for me.

I can, for the joy set before me, endure the cross because the Son of God defeated death and hell when He rose from the grave. Because He lives, sweet unity awaits me.

Photo by Alem Sánchez from Pexels

Where Sacrifice Starts

Oh, beloved of God.

(That’s you.)

Shall we pause there?

That’s you.

Okay, I think we can move on now.

But, if you need to stay there….stay there…

The season of Lent began this week.

On the 13^th of February I realized that Ash Wednesday was on the 14^th this year, Valentine’s Day. I began to think of all the different things I could do, or could give up, for Lent…and felt a little guilty for being super aware of Valentine’s Day and super not aware of Ash Wednesday.

Around the same time I was also looking at other scripture about getting rid of things— I read John’s account of Jesus driving the profit-hungry religious out of the temple before Passover. I also heard Christine Caine and Bianca Olthoff (thank the Lord for technology) teach on these words from Paul:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³ Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (Hebrews 12:1-3)

In light of all of this, I felt like the questions I needed to ask myself were clear—

What do I need to throw off? What do I need to drive out of the temple of my heart? What specifically do you want me to add or subtract during this season of Lent, God?

Again and again I asked and His answer didn’t seem clear.

I was once again (dang soul-amnesia #annvoskamp) caught in a desperate striving to understand.

Wouldn’t it be super cool if you audibly told me what to do, God? Or, supplied me with some holy dice? 

Instead, the Spirit led me to the dark of my prayer closet (aka…my closet) and to a place of silence.

He showed me, reminded me, that what my soul really wanted, what my heart was really longing for, was intimacy with Father, Son, and Holy Spirit of God. I wanted to be closer to Him and I was afraid that something was in the way, something that I just couldn’t quite figure out.

He showed me the lie I subconsciously believed— that I needed to love Him perfectly before I could receive His perfect love.

What nonsense?!

When I was His enemy, He died for me. When I was helpless, He poured out His grace on me. Indeed, my body is like dust, but God knew my soul before the foundations of the earth.

He predestined me in accordance with the pleasure of His will. Through the atoning sacrifice of Jesus on the cross I am justified before the Father, I am FILLED with the Holy Spirit, I am a co-heir with CHRIST.

WHEW.

And here I am all distraught wondering what I should do, what I need to do to be okay with God…forgetting that He did and DOES it all.

Paul reminds us to fix our eyes on JESUS. How often do I look down at my feet? How often do I, like Peter, forget that it is by God’s power I am carried nearer Jesus and doubt that I can make it to the finish line?

There was NOTHING separating me from His love while I knelt all angsty-like in the closet. My ability to have intimacy with Jesus is not the result of what I’ve done, but what HE has done. He paid with His blood for the grace and love poured out on me— all I need to do is open my hands and accept it. He always wanted communion…communion.

Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me (John 15:4).

The glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one:  I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me (John 17:22-23).

We can do nothing apart from God— intimacy with God is where we start.

We start with the knowledge that apart from Him we can do nothing.

We start with basking in His deep love for us.

We start with adoration of our sweet, mighty, warrior-lover— Jesus.

When we kneel at His feet, marveling in His power and glory, and let go we can trust that He will reveal to us exactly what He wants to, when He wants to. And, He’s already revealed so much through scripture.

The word I received from God in my closet was unexpected— an invitation to adore Him and connect with Him rather than worry. An invitation to follow Him step by step with JOY…with the lightness that comes knowing that all things are from Him, and through Him, and to Him (Romans 11:36)

Where does sacrifice start? In the fullness of Christ’s provision— the fullness of His love. 

To Him be the glory forever and ever.

How have you experienced God’s love lately? I would be happy to hear from you!

Love,

Donielle Hart

Rekindle Your Dying Resolutions in 3 Steps

You made your resolutions on January 1^st. Now it’s January 27th.

Can you…can you feel that? Slight nausea, embarrassment, frustration?

You probably loved your resolutions for a day or two— posted about them on Instagram and Facebook, felt really proud. Your friends responded with those celebration cone thingys or a flexing muscle emoji and you were ALL SO PUMPED.

Now, here…we…are…

Perhaps love has been replaced by the feeling of eating a way-too-big burrito. Love has been replaced with resentment and shame [why did I ever show my gym membership to the world?].  Love has been replaced with Netflix. Or, maybe you’re sticking to your resolutions, but love has been replaced with bitterness and exhaustion.

You aren’t alone. And, it’s not too late.

I have a very idealistic personality (INFP, for you Myers-Briggs fans) — my personality affords me significant advantages and disadvantages (blah, blah, blah). This is the case with every single personality type and it can be extremely helpful to understand yours.  I encourage you to take this free personality test to gain some practical insight into potential strengths and weaknesses of your personality: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test.

Okay, so maybe you lean towards being an idealist or perfectionist or, I don’t know, an absurdist—in any case, it’s normal to struggle hard the first days and weeks after January 1st.

And every other day we put our lofty resolutions to paper.

Maybe you don’t even make goals or resolutions anymore because you’ve learned the hard way that they’re sirens of perfectionism and will push you underwater until you slowly suffocate, die, and are given CPR because you are not, alas, a mermaid.

You will return to your average life with weaker lungs and a fear of water.

Sure, maybe not. But, maybe— and if so, I’m with you.

Let’s breathe some life into these resolutions!

1- Make your Resolution(s) Exciting Again

Editing is not failure— editing is progress.

So, you wrote a rough draft during the end of December. January was your first read through.

What isn’t working? What is holding you back?

What do you actually want?

Maybe you are exhausted and need to sleep more.

Maybe you need to say “no” to a few things.

Maybe your first draft only made you anxious and sick to your stomach— maybe you need to start afresh. If you do, it’s okay. It’s a step forward, not backward.

If you aren’t excited about your resolution, but still want to stick with it, maybe try re-framing your resolution in positive terms. Instead of thinking about how you absolutely can’t eat junk food anymore, think about all the delicious healthy recipes you want to try. Try to focus on the fantastic things you are going to do rather than what you aren’t going to do.

If your resolution seems overwhelming or daunting, you could break it down into smaller steps. Your resolution might be “write a book” or  “create an online store.” Those are great goals and you don’t need to get rid of them, but maybe focus on what you can do each day to move towards that goal.

Make that resolution of yours exciting and attainable!

2- Plan in a tasty way

Create a plan that makes you feel inspired, not burdened.

Delish ingredients:

Activity—>   Reward—>   Rest

Activities include the actions that are needed for you to see your resolution through. For example, if you want to write a book your activities might include writing, editing, reading, and seeking feedback. If you want to eat healthier food, your activities might be research, meal planning, shopping, and cooking. You get the idea.

It’s easy to ENTIRELY focus on the activities portion of planning…but spending your days moving from one “productive” activity to another without a reprieve will result in burnout. Make your schedule tasty! I’m a believer in positive conditioning and in giving yourself wonderful things to look forward to (big or small). I also know that rest is a necessity. We need to rest every single day and we need longer periods of rest. If you aren’t sure how to plan rewards and rest, I have lots of ideas to get you started here: Rewards and Rest

Okay, so now that you have your activities, rewards, and times of rest in mind, how do you make the actual schedule? I’ve made MANY an unrealistic schedule…it can be pretty defeating.

Many of my schedules have been unrealistic because they don’t work with my body clock, which results in quickly becoming burnt out and frustrated.

Lots of books exist about chronobiology (the science of natural body rhythms).  IT’S REAL. Even five minutes of research about you chronotype (your natural body rhythm) can be helpful. This simple quiz from Dr. Oz’s website could be a good place to start: http://www.doctoroz.com/quiz/quiz-what-your-chronotype

Whenever people are put into broad categories, many will not completely fit into one category. It is important to observe how your brain and body feel at different times of the day and with different amounts of sleep and be willing to adjust!

Once you’ve made that lovely plan of yours, remember…

flexibility is not failure.

Life is unpredictable. If things happen beyond your control and you are no longer able to get in that long-run— IT IS OKAY. Let it go, accept it as an unanticipated break, adjust your schedule to get in that run over the next few days. Don’t be a total boohiss towards others because your schedule is “ruined.” It’s not ruined, it’s been adjusted.

It’s also okay to adjust even if you “could” stick to your schedule. If you are behind on something important or flat-out exhausted or sick or staying with other people, remember this phrase and chant it to yourself when needed— something is better than nothing.

I repeat, something is better than nothing.

It’s a cliché because it’s really, really true.

I’ve given myself the freedom to say, “I don’t know if I can do yoga for an hour, but I can do it for 20 minutes” or “I don’t know if I can stay focused enough to write for an hour, but I can write for 20 minutes.”

This has been a goal-saver.

As you might guess, sometimes 20 minutes stretches to an hour. Other times, I stop at 20 minutes. And, that’s okay. It’s way better than doing nothing. I’m moving forward.

Give yourself some grace.

3- Team up with someone who makes you feel like a dream-come-true

THIS ONE. This is the one.

Truly, though— I think this can make the biggest difference long-term.

This person does NOT need to have the same resolutions as you (though that would be pretty spectacular), but they do need to be, without a doubt, on your team. 100% for you. Try to pick someone who makes you feel valuable and strong.

Tell someone who loves you about your goals, your plans, your dreams…and your weakness and struggles. Give them permission to ask you questions and remind you of your intentions when you started. Give them permission to lift you up.

Purge the junk— fill up on love

Okay, so resolutions can come from a lot of places. Some pretty dark places, actually. Normally we begin this kind of journey with a lot of hope, but sometimes we carry other things with us, too.  We can do great things motivated by shame, fear, false-guilt, and vanity.

These motivations may lead you to accomplish your goal or stick to your schedule— but, they’ll make you feel pretty crappy, too.  If you are motivated by shame or fear, you aren’t able to fully enjoy what you’re doing.

So, what is your deep-down motivation?

You want to healthier? Why?

You want to write more? Why?

You want to give more? Why?

Here’s the thing— your resolutions can be fueled by the black hole of “not enough”….or, they can be fueled by love for God.

Yes, even your diet.

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

-1 Corinthians 10:31

Shame, guilt, fear, and vanity are all about me.

And guess what?  I will never be enough on my own.

But I am enough in my God— and anything done in response to His great love for me is of eternal value.

I find this passage from Hebrews 12 so encouraging:

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³ Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

 

How do you struggle in the area of resolutions?

What helps you stay on track?

I would love to hear from you!

Peace,

Donielle Hart

Preparation as Christ’s Lover

Hi, friends!

I’m attempting to share a bit more via audio for those who prefer to listen rather than read, or who would like to be able to clean or wrap presents while drinking in the Word.

I hope you enjoy! Peace.

Christ’s Advent at Your Christmas Party [and on the last day of your achy body]

We prepare for who is coming.

Many of you, I think, experience this: You set a date for a gathering. You envision friends or family at the table, their smiles. You picture soft lights and imagine breathing in delicious smells— so you make sure your star lights have batteries, make a grocery list, and pick a cookie recipe. You prepare for what you set your mind on.

We prepare for who is coming. And, in the process of preparation there is something of the celebration itself— a foretaste. When I’m excited for an event, I have deep joy and delight in my preparation. I want to invite comfort and joy, I want the people at my table to be filled with love…and maybe experience a taste of Love Himself.

I visualize the goodness and try to prepare so it just might become a reality.

But, I seriously fall short of goodness when I only prepare materially and mentally.

Let’s be realistic…as I prepare, I also taste spiritual germs on my breath and others’ threatening to spread our soul-sicknesses, fractures in hearts, death cycles, my social anxiety creeping up my neck and squeezing.  We can experience a foretaste of anxiety rather than celebration. A foretaste of the broken can steal our preparation for goodness.

So, when I am wise (by the grace of God), I prepare my heart—I beg for my broken heart to be prepared and repaired. I pray for God to shift my focus from the wounds to the Warrior-Healer-Carpenter. For my roof to be patched, my windows to be sealed tight, and my door to be unlocked— for my home and my presence to be a haven from the cold.

I want these precious people I envision sitting at my table to experience a little bit of Emmanuel. And, as my great-grandmother Vivian would say, a little taste of heaven.

We prepare for who is coming because we love them.

Yet, we also are filled with God’s love in the process of preparation— as we ask God to help us prepare out of love for Him, He lavishes us with more love to give. As we confess our brokenness and invite Him to repair our hearts we have peace with Him.

YES, isn’t this one of the greatest treasures?  When we prepare for Christ’s coming at our Christmas party or His guaranteed Second Advent, we experience ever-increasing peace with Him because we experience more and more of Him.

Isn’t that what we really, deeply want as we hang lights and make menus and vacuum under the chair?

Peace with God.

We have peace with God through Jesus— the Holy Spirit is with us through Jesus. God has come, God is here.

BUT, never forget, God is coming.

He is coming to work in your broken heart, at your invitation. He is bringing joy as you sweep. He is washing feet and pouring grace at your Christmas party.

And that is not all!

He is coming on the clouds as King! He is coming to establish a new, unimaginably radiant Earth!

He is coming to be with us in a way we have yet to experience— a way only He can prepare us for.

He fills us and moves in us to prepare for more of HIM. For the true life He intended. And, guess what? In this process of preparation, there is a sweet, sweet foretaste of  His peace and His glory because He Himself is our peace and He is inexpressibly glorious.

How do you prepare room for God to work in you?

What time will you set aside this week to re-focus and re-center on Christ as your motivation?

I invite you to open up a gift I prepared for you! Click here for simple daily scripture readings I put together on preparation:  Advent Week 2 Scripture Readings 

If you would enjoy hearing this content read, click here to listen: https://m.soundcloud.com/doni-owens/christs-advent-at-your-christmas-party-and-the-last-day-of-your-achy-body

Love and peace,

Donielle Hart

Three Reasons Why Sharing Your Extra [and Living in Community] is Hard

How many times have you had food in the fridge and it ends up in the garbage?

How many times have you had extra time and it ends up in the garbage?

Yep, me too.

It’s not something to be ashamed of— not eating all of your chicken does not mean you just took a bite away from starving children. Stop that false guilt train before it starts— you know who you are.  We can have extra food and extra time without having extra energy or any sort of prompting to do something about it. What looks like extra time might be very necessary rest time.

We can’t do everything and we were not made to do everything. But, sometimes we DO have the energy or we ARE prompted…yet our extras still end up in the garbage.

And, not because we were feeling especially greedy.

It’s mostly accidental. But, sometimes (if you’re like me) you have a feeling the leftover potatoes you put in an opaque Cool Whip container will be forgotten and grow a furry green blanket by the time it sees the light of day again…as you put it in the fridge for the first time. Sometimes you have a feeling you’re making too much food for dinner. But, inviting people over last-minute or bringing them food feels next to impossible.

Forget giving your last penny—sometimes it’s hard to give the extra.

Sometimes it goes like this:

My mom graciously drove a total of 12 hours to visit me awhile ago. It was the week after her birthday, so I made her a birthday cake. I planned on sending her home with a large chunk of the extra cake, but I forgot.

The next day I stared at two-thirds of a 9×13 cake sitting in a fridge only two people use.

It was a box cake with store-bought frosting and imprecisely cut strawberries— but, the frosting was chocolate and it tasted all right. Each time I saw the cake sitting there, I cringed a little because I knew I needed to do something about it (and that something should not be binge eating). I saw it going down the garbage disposal or filling half of our compost bucket like so much of our extra food does. But, I hate that. I really do.

I wanted and felt I should offer cake to the neighbors— and part of writing this (I wrote the initial drafts before I shared the cake) was to ensure I offered it to them in the end— but, this offering is difficult for me.

My neighbors are pretty great. They have already given me their time, energy, and even shared their food. But, when interacting with someone I haven’t spent a lot of time with I want my acne to be completely covered, my apartment to be very clean, and a guarantee I am not going to seem like a weirdo (like the creepy man on Chitty Chitty Bang Bang who lures the children in with lollipops).  And, I get a feeling akin to stage fright before knocking on someone’s door— whether literally or metaphorically.  I experience a small or huge wave of nerves and anxiety.

My insecurities and anxiety make it SO easy to ignore the small and seemingly simple promptings of the Spirit, like— offer the neighbors your extra cake.

I know, I know, I know. It’s so small! It’s cake!  I’m willing to die for Christ…but, am I willing to give my cake away when He tells me to? I feel a little ridiculous even typing that, but it was a very real question. The larger:

Am I willing to be an active member of my community and share?

Here are a few reasons why this is hard:

1- Vulnerability

I may need to interact with others before I put makeup on or invite people over for dinner before I have time to thoroughly clean my apartment. I need to be vulnerable and allow people to see me/my life in ways I hadn’t planned. I need to remember that outward appearance is not what matters.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. -1 Peter 3:3-4

2- Flexibility/Submission

Doing something I hadn’t planned on requires flexibility and relinquishing of control. My plans and desires cannot become a god— I need to submit to God’s plans. You know the passage in James 4 about plans and how we really aren’t in control? It ends with this:

If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them. -James 4:17

I’ve always thought about this verse separately from the part about planning— but, it makes sense that the two go together. We can’t let our plans get in the way of doing good we know we ought to do.

3- Energy

As mentioned, knocking on people’s doors to give our extra is not as easy as it sounds (especially for those of us with some amount of anxiety) even when we HAVE some energy in our tanks. It requires us to give our energy to others (ultimately, to God) rather than own desires. Here is the awesome news— we have supernatural power through the Spirit and NO sacrifice made for Christ is a waste, however small! He often changes our desires to His and grants us great joy as we trust in Him.

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. So do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner. Rather, join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God. He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. -2 Timothy 1:7-9

Vulnerability, flexibility, submission, and giving energy are all so necessary for true community.

I think this is why most people I talk to never connect with people in their apartment complexes— the relational risk doesn’t feel worth it to them.

But, love is always risky, isn’t it?

I’m praying that whoever reads this will be encouraged by the Spirit and the Word— that you will give your last penny when you are called and you will give your extras when you are called— that you will rely on God’s strength in all things…even in acts of obedience and love that seem small.

Peace and Love,

Donielle

Love Always Protects [Me Too]

[Please note: This post includes some of my personal experiences of sexual harassment.  I am not sharing these experiences out of spite or for shock value, but because I believe sharing them could be beneficial. Love keeps no record of wrongs— in fact, when I was keeping a record of these wrongs in my heart, they only hurt me more. Forgiveness is so important and freeing, but I also believe God can use our brokenness and pain for good and sometimes that involves sharing our stories with others.]

I spent a lot of time reading friends’ “me too” posts, heartbroken, and realized after awhile that I was avoiding writing my own. Whew. It’s hard, my friends…and, as many have mentioned, others (whom I know well and love dearly) have gone through much, much worse.

I’ve been sexually harassed through words often veiled as “compliments” and “jokes.” I’ve been touched and paralyzed by fear. And, as many women experience, what happened to me was almost always minimized and justified by both men and women. A boss I no longer work for implied, multiple times, that I should give him a certain sexual favor and said, multiple times, when he saw my anger “Oh, so-and-so is much worse and says things like that all the time to the other girls, it’s just a joke.”

As if his verbal sexual harassment could be justified by levity and comparison.

After I quit he asked me out— multiple times. He didn’t like the word no. I guess it really was never a joke and he really didn’t understand. He has no idea that when I think of him, I only feel nausea, fear, and sadness….such sadness. He was so blinded that, even after all of my anger and rejection, he thought I would find him romantically appealing. I chose this story to share in more detail because I think he TRULY did not know what he was doing. He was taught that his behavior was acceptable long before he harassed and disrespected me— probably through a combination of culture at large and influential male role models in his life. He is responsible for his actions…but, other people are, too.

I didn’t tell anyone what lewd things were said to me until after I quit. I felt such shaming false-guilt. And, because similar things were said to other girls and it didn’t *appear* to bother them, I felt weak and small and as if I didn’t have a leg to stand on. Sexual harassment was the norm in that workplace, what else did I expect?

That’s one instance out of many. I could tell you about the time I heard a middle school classmate make a joke about me involving gang rape, the handsy old man on the airplane, the two boy team that evaluated my body out loud and concluded that I was “*insert explicit vulgarity here* approved,” the first time I was aware I was being catcalled and sexually objectified as a teenager, and lots of other instances of harassment.

Sexual harassment is a huge part of our culture.

I’m uncommonly fortunate to be at this point in life without worse wounds.

This morning, as I prayed, I thought about a friend from high school who protected me in small and subtle ways, and what a HUGE deal that was.  I began to thank God for other men who, throughout my life, protected me. I could think of many men who I felt respected by (and that matters!)…but there were fewer men I felt safe being around because I trusted they would take action on my behalf. There were nine men on my list. I could think of two women who had actively protected me. I don’t say this to criticize women— I think it reflects how paralyzed we are by fear and how powerless we often believe we are in our society. These people protected me in some very different ways. Some protected me emotionally and some protected me physically— but, each act was significant.

As I let myself become filled with gratitude, I was so moved— they thought about me and my well-being instead of themselves. That, my friends, is love. They didn’t just respect me, they loved me. Respect can cause a man or woman to not harass another person, but love takes action to shield the other emotionally, physically, and spiritually from the degrading actions of the people who are disrespectful, self-serving, or ignorant.

Yes— “Love always protects.”

I want to actively, with compassion and gentleness, defend the women and men around me when I see or hear harassment and disrespect. I want to love abusers through speaking truth in a world that is constantly feeding them lies. I want my love to be bigger than my fear.

As we seek to eradicate the injustice in our society, let’s remember what we desire to fill the space with.

Love and peace,

Doni

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. -1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Dreams are Tawdry

Elisabeth Elliot’s voice, low and calm, read from a journal entry of her deceased beloved— the statement, bold and heavy with conviction, landed hot on my heart through the car speakers, “Dreams are tawdry compared with the leading of God.”[i]

Not simply, “we must sacrifice our dreams for God’s dreams” or “our dreams must not become idols.” No, no. Jim Elliot, considers (I am quite certain his opinion hasn’t changed since meeting God) human dreams with a flavor of distain. He considers them “tawdry”— gaudy, showy, cheap, low, mean, base, or, as a noun, “cheap, gaudy apparel.”[ii]

Human dreams, I think, can be worn in attempts to show people we are worth something in the world. We are headed toward greatness of some sort— in artistry, finance, even ministry. We are not solely the person standing before them, mortal and unimpressive, we are small gods who can fabricate greatness out of something that is not— the future. Many of us know in our hearts that our dreams are ultimately fiction. They are stories we weave for ourselves that we hope will come true— not only hope, but work toward. At times, it is not a stretch to say, serve.

Numerous qualifying fine lines of motive and heart can be drawn if we are trying to figure out when a dream goes from being moral to immoral— from beneficial and productive for the Kingdom to idolatrous, prideful, and selfish. However, even if a dream or desire is good and submitted to God that does not change what our dreams are in comparison to God’s will: Tawdry.

Jesus tells us our love for Him and desire to serve Him should be so great that, in comparison, our relationship with our family should look like hate.[iii] Paul says, “Those who have wives should live as if they do not.”[iv]  As has been explained by many a pastor and writer, this does not mean we should hate our families or leave our spouses. However, this should not take away from the weight of the call…and, the basis of this call— the great, great worthiness of Christ and His Kingdom.  And how very small our other loves and dreams should be in comparison. Eyes solely fixed on Christ, love for sister and spouse becomes more holy. But, in choosing between the two, the answer is always to be Christ. If it’s not, our love is sullied. The same is true when considering good dreams.

Clothe yourself in a dream of your own invention and it is sewn with all your brokenness.

Clothe yourself in Christ and you are covered in power, righteousness, and light. He will mend the brokenness of your dreams and shape your dreams to His will as you choose Him time and time again.

This is so amazing!

The possibilities we have on our own are limited. Our God does beyond what we could ever imagine— His ways are higher than our ways, His thoughts are higher than our thoughts.[v] His power so far exceeds our abilities but our dear Lord, He, (great mystery) uses His power through us as we submit. “That power is the same as the mighty strength He exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come.”[vi]  [SAY WHAT?!?]

The will and power of God may seem far from you, but it is not. He is not. He is accomplishing His will through you as you walk in obedience and communion with Him— even when it means putting a dream second. He is accomplishing His will as you respond to the prompting of the Spirit—even when it means putting a dream to death.

The “kingdom of God,” at least in one sense, is not far off: “Once, on being asked by the Pharisees when the Kingdom of God would come, Jesus replied, ‘The coming of the kingdom of God is not something that can observed, nor will people say “Here it is” or “There it is” for the kingdom of God is in your midst [or, ‘within you’].”’”[vii]

He is working now and He wants to do His work in and through you.

I trust that His dreams are so much better than any dreams I could write for myself. The future He has for us makes me tear-up in awe— I know He will use me beyond my power and this ASTOUNDS and humbles me.  Such great delight. Such great mercy. His wind blows and whispers and clothes my heart with His. Jim Elliot died by spear trying to connect with the Aucas, a tribe who had never heard of Christ. Elisabeth Elliot forgave, lived with, and ministered to that same tribe for two years. Many were added to the Kingdom.

My dreams are so tawdry compared with the will of God.

 

I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.  I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,  and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:8-14

• [i] Shadow of the Almighty by Elisabeth Elliot
• [ii] Dictionary.com
• [iii] Luke 14:26
• [iv] 1 Corinthians 7:29
• [v] Isaiah 55:9
• [vi] Ephesians 1:19b-20
• [vii] Luke 17:20-21

Room

When I’m scared of what God has to say, I fill the spaces. Sometimes I fill the spaces with good things— Bible study, recited prayers, exercise, baking.

God can speak to us through Bible study, when our hearts are open. God can transform us through prayer, when our hearts are open. Baking and exercise can be acts of worship. But, God does not enter hearts uninvited, even when mouths are professing His name.

In John chapter 8, we read about a hard conversation Jesus had with some Jewish people (potentially a mixture of Pharisees and laymen). The people he was speaking to likely studied the scriptures, prayed, and followed the Law to varying degrees…however, their core issue was deeper than outward actions. Jesus said to them, “I know that you are Abraham’s descendants. Yet you are looking for a way to kill me, because you have no room for my word” (John 8:37).

Not because they hadn’t studied enough, not because they hadn’t prayed enough, not because they had broken too many laws— no, they wanted to kill Jesus because they did not have room for Him in their hearts, minds, and souls.

There are times I study the Word in the same way some of the Pharisees did— I attempt to leave Him less room instead of more. I don’t want to leave room for His words to echo, I don’t want to leave space for His Spirit to transform and direct me.

I forget that my Savior, in all His goodness and mercy, truly seeks to SAVE ME and that my fear should be a joyful, trembling, awe-inspired fear that draws me nearer to His light. 

When I seek to increase my sense of self-righteousness, I leave no room for HIS righteousness.

When I seek to solely increase my knowledge, I leave no room for His peace that passes understanding.

When I seek to justify my plans and desires, I leave no room for His perfect plans and desires.

And, the opposite is true— when I sit in the presence of God, with my hands and heart wide open to receive Him, He grants me His strength to walk in paths of righteousness, He grants me His indescribable peace, and He corrects my thoughts and makes them obedient to His good, perfect, beautiful will.

Jesus died not to make us good people or solely to save us from Hell, but to be with us and transform us through intimacy with Him!

In the words of Isaac Watts, “Let every heart prepare Him room.” 🙂

John 3 “Do I lead people to love Jesus or to love me?”

If you are one of the many men and women who are participating in the international, interdenominational Bible study BSF (Bible Study Fellowship), the title of this post probably sounds familiar. This past week we studied the third chapter of John. In this chapter, we read about Nicodemus’ nighttime conversation with Jesus. Then, about John the Baptist’s embrace of the role God gave him. John 3 is packed with such rich truth about the problem man faces and Jesus’ loving solution— in other words, the condemnation of sinful man and salvation through Jesus.

After giving an account of Nicodemus’ interaction with Jesus, which ends with Jesus telling Nicodemus that He will provide salvation from sins and eternal life, the Apostle John further explains:

For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him. Whoever believes in Him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already, because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness rather than light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God. (John 3:17-21, emphasis added)

When we put our trust in Jesus, we are not condemned! We have eternal life! Such comfort and true freedom from fear can be found in these truths.

And, yet— I live in fear of man. In fear that man will not think I am behaving properly— in fear that man will not love me. (Kind of like Nicodemus, who waited until the cover of night to seek Jesus…Jesus was so gracious to him, and to us!)

The above passage should transform my thinking:

We see clearly that GOD has the power to condemn or acquit.

We see that mankind’s tendency post-fall is to LOVE THE DARKNESS.

Recently I was in a conversation with someone and began to feel guilty about doing something the Lord clearly commands us to do. I felt that I needed to start covering it up…I became so afraid that this person would think poorly of me and of my husband.

This fear and shame is such a deception of the Devil.

But, it’s more than that— the fear and shame is also a symptom of not resting fully in the salvation and authority of Christ…of allowing the opinion of man to have sway over me in areas where only Christ should.

In studying John 3 this week, I was both convicted and comforted. In the BSF notes for this chapter, a question is posed in relation to John the Baptist’s actions: “Do I lead people to love me or to love Jesus?” My undue fear and shame are evidence that I am more concerned about people loving me than loving Jesus.

If we take my actions as an example of what not to do, we can take John the Baptist’s actions as an example of what to do.

If you know the story of John the Baptist, you know we have many examples of John not being swayed by man. Ultimately, John would be beheaded— talk about not being a people pleaser.

When Jesus started baptizing, this meant that fewer people went to John the Baptist to be baptized— if he were concerned with people loving him more than he was concerned with people loving Jesus, he would have been upset by this. And, his disciples were. John explained to them once again that Jesus was the Messiah, not him. John was simply an attendant, meant to help bring the bride to the Bridegroom (Jesus). Now that the Bridegroom had arrived John said his joy was complete and told his disciples “He [Jesus] must become greater and I must become less.”

As Jesus becomes greater and we become less—as we focus on leading people to love Jesus rather than ourselves—our fear of man will diminish and we can live freely in the JOY of salvation.

Sure, men could behead John, but they couldn’t kill his soul.

Sure, we can be judged “guilty” by men, but they cannot condemn our souls.

Remember, Jesus was judged “guilty” by men. Judged a blasphemer. Yet, through him all LIFE and SALVATION has been granted us!

May we boldly and joyfully walk into the light out of love for the Lord and pray that others will as well:

“Whoever loves the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God” (John 3:21).